SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
