I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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