suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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