when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
