when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
My feet surprised me
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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