That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
