dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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