I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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