Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
