do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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