I just saw a hot homeless man
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize