Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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