dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
