Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
