Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
