at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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