The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
