I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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