dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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