I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
