can we get nightvision for the apartment?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
birth control should be required to get into college
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
