Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
