He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
