Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
