True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
