sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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