sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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