His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We just shotgunned beers for America
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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