i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize