How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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