that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
