with your own penis?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
