Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
