They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
