i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
