did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
