she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
