oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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