I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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