i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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