No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
