i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
