Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Panties = found
Randomize
