what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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