That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize