Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize