I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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