I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
