I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
