I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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