Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
