as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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