Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
