I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
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