dude i'm inner monologue high
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
