The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
