I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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