Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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