Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
