I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
