Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
