He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Randomize
