I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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