Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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