he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
