Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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