she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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