Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize